Ammusing - Aussie Defence Force

[BigG]

Thought you blokes might like this as a giggle.

Australian Defence Force IVRU:

Thank you for calling the Australian Defence Force.   I'm sorry, but all of our
units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged.

Please leave a message with your country, name  of organization, the region, the
specific crisis, and a number at which  we can call you. As soon as we have
sorted out East Timor, our UN commitments, the Commercial Support Program, the
Y2K Bug, and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your
call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to
the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, and defended by unmanned ships at
anchor, press 1 and we will have a Collins Class Submarine attempt to find you.
However, there may be a slight delay if the submarine has to cross the equator
and then a further delay from the resultant government investigation.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and  good hotels, and can
be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for
the Royal Australian Air Force. Please  note this service is not available after
1630 hours, or on weekends.   Special consideration will be given to customers
with over-the-horizon radar technology who can provide additional research and
development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey
funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in
advance, to the Royal Australian Navy.  Please note that this service is
extremely limited and will be provided on  a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to
the Defence Intelligence Organisation.  Please note that a compulsory credit
check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent civilian overtime
costs.   Also be aware that DIO may bill your account at any time and is not
required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid
little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut
miles from civilization, are prepared to work your behind off daily, risking
your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and whilst watching
Canberra erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line.
Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter Vet-Netter who was kicked out
because his job was contracted out to civilians.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the Australian
Defence Force

[Hero of the Day]

damn I thought our armed forces were fucked up!

[Shplorb]

Now there's the real reason they boosted defence spending in the budget this year! =]

[Hellmark]

Well, atleast your former "leader" didn't sent your military all over the damn place while dearming it. In Kosovo, we almost ran out of missles yet none were bought to restock our supply. When Bush started to gear up for Afganistan, he was surprised because he had almost nothing to fire at the bastards!

[Hero of the Day]

Hellmark where in the hell did you get that from?  And just to remind you national enquirer, weekly world news, or any similar publications are bullshit

[JasonB]

"When Bush started to gear up for Afganistan, he was surprised because he had almost nothing to fire at the bastards!"


But he had plenty to drop on them

[Hellmark]

hero, it is actually common knowledge among modern war buffs (not conspiracists). Clinton paid a french firm in '94 (I think) 4 billion dollars to destroy many small weapons, plus didn't order in many of the larger weapons (the news here bitched about that alot since McDonald Douglas/Boeing, which has a big facility in St Louis, supplies many of the "smart bombs" and shit yet never was getting any contracts to build them so people were getting laid off all the time.)

Jason, if it was upto Bush he woulda bombed a hell of a lot more but couldn't.

[Shplorb]

Yeah, I heard that the reason Bush hasn't bombed Iraq yet is because it's taking a year to stock back up on bombs.

And if Pakistan does something stupid, you won't have to worry about bombing them because India will waste the whole freakin' country and couldn't give a shit about what everyone else in the world thinks about it.

BTW: By my calculations, unless some nukes go off over there we won't be hearing about Kashmir after another 1 or 2 weeks since the 3-4 week crisis attention span of the media will be over. (Witness recent things like Kosovo, Chechnya, Afghanistan, Israel and in aus: Timor, The Tampa, The Election, Woomera, Governor General, etc.)

[Hellmark]

See, I am not the only one that knows about it!